Big Brothers Big Sisters: Leading by Example

by Emily Cardozo

When 10-year-old Patrick was first matched with Big Brother Steve, an orthopedic surgeon at Hartford Hospital, he was skeptical as to how long the relationship would last. "I wasn’t sure it would work," Patrick remembers. "I had been let down a lot."

As their match progressed, the bond between Steve and Patrick strengthened. They went to movies and restaurants, played laser tag and fished. Steve helped Patrick grow academically. And both have grown in their admiration and respect for each other.

"Mentoring has expanded my appreciation for life," Steve notes. "Being involved with this young man just makes life so much sweeter."

Big Brothers Big Sisters has fostered countless relationships like the one between Steve and Patrick. At-risk children who may have resigned themselves to a life lacking in positive relationships are allowed to open up and grow with adult volunteers, who in turn find that they, too, have grown.

The merits of Big Brothers Big Sisters are far-reaching. The programs boast strong indicators of success: national research shows that "Littles," or the children mentored, are more likely to show positive behaviors in school and at home than children not matched with a "Big."

Eighty-five percent of the children involved have been shown to stay free of gangs, alcohol and drugs. Seventy-one percent have improved their academic performance. Sixty-nine percent of parents reported improved family relations, and 83 percent of parents reported improved self-esteem.

A Long Tradition of Success

Created in 1904, Big Brothers Big Sisters of America is the oldest one-to-one youth service organization in the country. Currently, there are over 500 affiliate agencies throughout the United States.

Hartford-based Nutmeg Big Brothers Big Sisters, which was founded in 1966, is one of the top 10 agencies in this nationwide affiliate chain. It is the largest of the three Big Brothers Big Sisters agencies in the state, which also include Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southwestern CT and Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southeastern CT.

Aside from its main office in Hartford, Nutmeg Big Brothers Big Sisters has branch offices in Tolland, Wallingford and Waterbury, and covers 111 cities and towns in Hartford, Tolland, Windham, Middlesex, Litchfield and upper New Haven counties.

The organization prides itself on forming high-quality mentoring relationships between children ages 6-17 from single-parent homes and qualified adult volunteers.

Options for Mentoring

There are many options for those who wish to mentor children. For example, Nutmeg Big Brothers Big Sisters offers five programs for volunteers.

• Traditional. This program, for which the organization is best-known, matches children from single-parent families with positive adults from the community. The program is adapted to the time constraints and preferences of volunteers by a professional case management staff. No special training is necessary, and the program generally requires 6-10 hours per month.
• Foster Grandparent. This program, which became part of Nutmeg Big Brothers Big Sisters in 1988, services Hartford, Tolland and Middlesex Counties. It gives senior citizens a way to help provide person-to-person contact in health, education, welfare and other areas where children require guidance and care. Volunteers work with children in group settings in schools, day care centers, hospitals, juvenile detention centers and teen parenting programs. Foster Grandparents act as adult role models who assist the children in improving basic learning skills while helping to improve their self-esteem.
• Governor’s State Employee Mentoring Program. Former Governor John G. Rowland committed the State of Connecticut to provide these services to 20,000 of its at-risk youth in the new century. To help accomplish this, he signed into law the nation’s first bill allowing eligible state employees one week of additional annual vacation — with pay — after one year if they mentor a youth through the Big Brother Big Sister program.
• Site-Based Program. This program asks a company to make some of its employees available for one hour per week to mentor local schoolchildren. The interaction takes place at either a host company or designated school location. While the goals are very similar, there is somewhat more of an educational aspect to the Site-Based Program than there is to the Traditional Program.
• The COMET Project (Coalition of Mentoring Excellence Team). The purpose of the COMET Project in Hartford is to assist a population of at-risk children of incarcerated parents with mentoring services in a coalition partnership that involves non-profit state agencies and interdenominational faith communities. Hartford has one of the highest per capita rates of incarceration in the state.

In January, Nutmeg Big Brothers Big Sisters introduced a Latino Mentoring Initiative in response to the dramatic growth of the Latino population in the state. The purpose of this initiative is to recruit more Latinos into Nutmeg Big Brothers Big Sisters as both Bigs and Littles. The organization also seeks to recruit more Latinos to its staff, management team and board of directors.

How it Works

Children are generally referred to Big Brothers Big Sisters by churches, social agencies or parents. Brian Kelly, director of marketing and recruitment for Nutmeg Big Brothers Big Sisters, said that many of the children referred come from "situations where they could go the wrong way."

Both children and adult volunteers are given questionnaires and interviewed to determine their interests, such as sports or sightseeing. Matches are made based on mutual interests. Consideration is also given to the distance the adult volunteer is willing to travel, as well as his or her time constraints. Mentors also meet with the child’s parent to ensure a good fit.

Volunteers receive training on how to handle and work with children, such as "how to become a confidante rather than a lecturer," Kelly said.

Once established, matches are regularly monitored and continually evaluated by trained staff to ensure positive outcomes and relationship longevity. Big Brothers Big Sisters asks that volunteers remain committed to the relationship for at least six months to one year. However, Kelly said that many relationships last an average of three years or longer.

Building a committed relationship is crucial, especially because children who come from single-parent homes have already been exposed to broken bonds. "Very often a child comes into the relationship feeling disappointment because one parent is already lost," Kelly explained. "It’s a big commitment thing — the kids are already attuned to being disappointed again."

Because of this, many relationships often start off slowly. "Both the Big and Little are usually a little tentative; it’s a new experience for both of them. But it ends up that there is always a very strong bond."

There are some challenges to ensuring an ideal experience for both Big and Little. For example, it is difficult to recruit male volunteers, and boys sometimes must be matched up with female mentors. Kelly said that many boys are initially wary of approaching a relationship with a Big Sister because they believe they might not have as much in common.

However, success stories abound for those who do decide to make the commitment. Kelly fondly recalls a Little Brother who he met years ago who now attends college and is seeking to become a Big Brother himself.

Hartford Mayor Eddie A. Perez is another example of the program’s resounding success. A former gang member when he was a child, the city’s first Latino mayor credits his Big Brother as helping him to get out of the situation and "setting him on the right path," Kelly said.

Upcoming Events

This month, Nutmeg Big Brothers Big Sisters is holding Bowl for Kids’ Sake, its biggest fundraiser of the year. Participants will enjoy two games of bowling and will receive a t-shirt, shoe rental, pizza and soda. There will also be raffles, music and prizes.

This event will take place at four different bowling locations.

On Saturday, March 24, it will be held at Spare Time Bristol, 177 Farmington Avenue in Bristol, at 1 or 3 p.m.; Willi Bowl, 292 Boston Post Road in North Windham, at 1 or 3 p.m.; and Brunswick Colony Lanes, 600 South Colony Road in Wallingford, at 11:30 a.m., 2 or 4:30 p.m.

On Saturday, March 31, Bowl for Kids’ Sake will be held at AMF Silver Lanes, 748 Silver Lane in East Hartford, at 10 a.m., noon or 4 p.m.